 |  41264 | Nov 12, 2004 3:46pm | Thanks Catch. I do understand where you are coming from, but just the same, I don't understand. What I'm trying to say is that it's been 8 years since my husband killed himself. His youngest daughter is now 10, and she still talks about how she never got the chance to get to know him. His son is 11 and has so much stuff going on in his head that he's out of control. His 14 year old daughter remembers him, but it still upsets her immensely, and the 16 year old son has just gone completely off the rails. He blames himself.
Did he really stop and think what would happen after he was gone? I think that if he did, and really gave it some consideration, he wouldn't have gone through with it. He took the easy way out, but he screwed the lives of 5 others (not to mention his parents, sister, and many of his friends)
I guess you can get so caught up in your own shit that you don't stop and think about the lives you may affect in the process.. |
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| | | catch | Nov 12, 2004 3:52pm | | I've had situations in which I've fought with my husband and been really at a low point as well. I then actually strategized on how to alienate my mother so that my obligation to them would be done, and I could move on to the mode of death. It's really sick to be that sick. |
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Sponsor |  lerryn | Nov 13, 2004 2:38am | Mr OB the last thing you need is another amateur psychologist giving advice! But i am only half an amateur!! You are thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself down, criticize yourself for errors, doubt your abilities, or expect failure. Negative thinking damages confidence, harms performance and paralyzes mental skills.
A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to flit into our consciousness, do their damage and flit back out again with their significance, having barely been noticed. Since we do not challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong yet, this does not diminish their harmful affect.
you have to be more positve! in the past people have advocated positive thinking almost recklessly, as if it is a solution to everything. Positive thinking should be used with common sense. First, decide rationally what goals you can realistically attain with hard work, and then use positive thinking to reinforce these. hope this helps. |
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Sponsor | | artist | Nov 13, 2004 6:54am | OB.
Many times positive or negative thoughts are "NOT" the product of yourself or your situtations.
You might just be a carrier. So it may not "SEEMS" to be possible for you to think straight.
Just "understanding" these things could be a best thing for you. It can automatically become a healing factor.
Healing factor is "within".
Find the good flow or exchange of good things around. |
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| | | catch | Nov 13, 2004 12:03pm | | methinks my fellow stumblers have the best of hearts, and have never had clinical depression. Certainly the best of hearts. |
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Sponsor | | OrionBlastar | Nov 13, 2004 2:26pm | 7: Do something useful with my life. All my episodes have done is make me feel useless, like everything I've done has amounted to virtually nothing. I do have a wife and son, a few friends, and family members. All the work I have done my whole life is mostly owned by businesses and they never gave credit to me for the hard work I've done. The rest is me helping other people out, and I am not sure if I am making a difference as usually they do things to develop the same problems over and over again (like me cleaning off a virus infection from someone's computer, only for the person to get their machine infected again sometime soon and not following my advice).
8: My wife and child are mostly the reasons why I put the barrel of the gun down and unloaded it. Sometimes good memories can save you.
9: I have a Psychiatrist, but I cannot see him until Feburary due to my HMO overbooking him. I am taking medication from him. I get my help where I can find it. I spent my life savings for medical bills and other bills related to my recent car accident and I cannot afford daily therapy from the HMO's Co-Pay of $30USD a day for $150USD a week. I have been out of work since 2002. My last employer was so abusive, they were accusing me of being an Iraqi (I am not, I am mostly Scot-Irish and German, and a bit Slavic and Romanian) and they knew about my mental illnesses and did what they could to try to make me quit, and failing that they fired me and did not give a reason why.
10: Yes, I cannot afford it. No job, doctor ordered me not to work until I got better, I am not getting well enough to go back to work.
11: The illness makes someone not think very clearly or rationally, most people who kill themselves do not act rationally when doing so. A friend of mine had to drink a whole bottle of vodak until he was so drunk, he was not thinking rationally and he did what I was going to do. That is how I learned the best way to commit suicide. Thoughts of how one's actions affect everyone else are aparently missing some times when one is suicidal.
12: The illness creates this sort of behavior, yes it is sick to be that sick.
13: Ah if you knew how mental illnesses work, you would know that the illnesses create the negative thoughts and that I have no control over them. Someone who suffers from racing thoughts about how bad they are, or racing suicidal thoughts will know what I am talking about. It is very hard to think positive when one's brain is malfunctioning and doing nothing but create negative thoughts. As you learn Psychology you will find that people make decisions and the Psychologist will try to teach the person how to make good decisions and be like a coach for them. They will identify the bad decisions and suggest that the patient try something else next time it happens. In some cases, the patient isn't in control enough to make rational choices, hence a major mental illness.
14: The illness creates the negative thoughts, also environments and other things cause them too.
15: Only someone who has suffered a clinical depression can fully understand how it is, too true. |
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Sponsor | | Dudymas | Nov 14, 2004 11:59am | I just have time to reply to the first topic: being useless.
I don't see how that's possible. You've already given me a craze of things to think about and helped me reconsider who I am. That's a blessing in and of itself. I know that it's easy to say you're amounting to nothing when you can't see any of the results. I'm still there and probably always will be. It sometimes takes a faith to live. Realize no matter what, who you are builds on to those you touch... it might be shameful at times, but people still gain wisdom and knowledge.
Yeah yeah... and you can flame me for being an idealist... but I am not lying here as far as I can tell. It honestly helped me to reflect on this recent episode OB had when I was feeling down for similar reasons. A lot of what OB feels isn't anything new, but his example helps mine a great deal. |
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Sponsor | | OrionBlastar | Nov 17, 2004 12:39pm | | 17: I am glad to hear that my bad behavior was able to help somebody. I'll do what I can to avoid having the bad behavior again. Yes it made me see things I hadn't noticed before about myself and others. I learned to stop being a victim, and start being a survivor. I got shot down too many times, and it was my fault for letting things get to me. I need to learn not to let other people get to me, so I go back to being on the brink of madness and death again. |
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